Be confused. That's me.

sitting in this dark corner of orchard,
one feels the utmost warmth n happiness.
so simple yet so strong..

leaving khatib n coming orchard..
haha..

was feeling really down after hearing a certain fact yesterday.
it is a pleasant piece of news. but at the wrong time.
depressed, and unable to control my emotions, i welled up n cried.

yesterday is the history.
yesterday is the past.

today, i treasure and the future, i give(and take =P)

***

you've been looking after me.
now, it's my turn.

boy, i love u...

Long since i last posted, here.

Anyway, i feel strongly that this livejournal that i keep is meant to jot down my personal thoughts. Suppose i were to pen down that my life sucks, why it sucks, how nothing helps to ease the sucking,etc etc. This would definitely be an extremely emo place indeed.

Thankfully, i am well pass that. Far enough that i can say that it is inevitable and OK/fine for one would fall back to the 'emo stage' once in awhile. Afterall, it's only human..

For people who, by chance, reads this (though i doubt there will be any), i sincerely wish for you to be a happier person. Be happy for just a day, an hour, a minute or even a few seconds. Be happy for yourself. Be happy for others. Laugh at someone/something if you must. -Smile- =]

sam sam

yes. i try to understand.
because i know, it would be a lie to say i fully understood.
***

a blog is a very functional tool.
it can be use to mislead.
but, most of the time, to reveal..
***

reading a certain blog entry,
one can see the author better.
because it reflects his/her thoughts.

sometimes, it shows me of how different people can be in similar plight.
it also tells me the different ways people choose to take.

whatever it is, stay practical & positive.
(selectively)
***

I never knew i would ever blog like this.

Why am i so depressed over something that happened in the past?
Was it my fault?
Ok, fine, i do admit. I am for not notifying.
But i had a reason to leave. It's my choice to tell or not to tell.
I chose not to tell then, and i still stand by it now.
Why did it turn out to sour and bitter?
I left for the better. Of everyone else, I thought you've known best.
I really miss everyone, especially u, my educator,
and I hate that I've to hide away when i visit.
Yes! I am afraid of facing u but even more than that, I don't want u to be angry anymore.
I am not worth it. I am so sorry, Miss Tan S. H.


---


Stressed Stressed Stressed!
Everyone's really stressed over assessments and productions.
To say the truth, i am already very very fortunate as I am only assisting stage managing.
To dearest Sudhee, Andrea and Elizabeth: let's just do our best.
I really want to get pass exams and all (all of us do)
Cant stand it anymore.
Sometimes, the feeling is so overwhelming that i wish i could just stop dancing.
I want to have a proper rest, heal and relax.
I feel that I'm not suitable for dancing. I've no talent, none at all.
I use to think that dancing is me.
But now, where am I?
I don't feel natural anymore..
It's been like this since that dark period of my dance life.
I want to gain what i lose, BACK!


---

Pissed!
I am royally pissed with my life.

Important things:

• I should not leave journals & projects to be done at the eleventh hour.(melissa's journal undone; arts management presentation undone; history presentation 1/2 done)
  

• "There are 2 things required as an artist or a person", adapted from choral master, Adrian Poon,:

1. Self- Discipline
   
2. Self- Motivation (obviously, i lacked in both, especially in #1. refer to the first previous point on important things)

• Concepts taken from the book 'Finding Balance: Fitness, Training, & Health for a Lifetime in Dance':

1. Each dancer needs to find his/her place in the world of dance
   
2. Developing a positive self-image is the key to achievement in dance
   
3. All dancers need to learn to work  with limitations
   
4. The science of dance informs the art
   
5. The dancer is a lifelong learner (reflecting on #3, yes, i agree! Just look at my super short archilles!)

• I need to get a job!(i need $$$ for plenty of things: dance gears and personal needs & WANTS)

Unimportant Things:

Drea & I were shopping at Bugis Street, we came across a shop selling attitude shirts. let me comment on 2 shirts..

as the title suggest, i am tired.
i'm dead beat. still, as compared to ebird, i'm much luckily.
Ebird, i salute u man. contemp, ballet, jazz & rehearsal!
i only have 3 class, alrdy wanna 'die' liao..

haven't even touch melissa's journal that is to be handed in tmr.
i don't feel like doing. i wanna sleep!!!
i don't feel like going for choir. i wanna sleep!!!
i don't really feel like attending tmr's contemp too. it's always so damn tiring. i really need to sleep!!
YES!! I DO WANT/NEED/CRAVE SLEEP!